Rodney's Boxers
by Captain Peregrine
Summary: Elizabeth discovers what Rodney's personal item was.


Elizabeth swept her hand across the Ancient's form of a doorbell, hearing it chime within.

"Hold on!" Rodney's muffled voice shouted from inside. "Give me a second!"

Elizabeth listened in amusement as she heard Rodney rushing around inside his little apartment. She thought she heard a cupboard slam shut and then a rapid thumping, as if he were jumping up and down on the floor. There was a string of cursing and the cupboard door slammed shut again. She heard a chair being dragged across the floor and more cursing.

Elizabeth jumped slightly in surprise when the door suddenly slid open, Rodney standing breathless in the doorway.

"Hi." He gasped. "Um… can I help you?"

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to lunch… what, uh, what were you doing in there?" she asked, trying to peek into his room around his shoulders. He quickly stepped into her line of sight, her vision momentarily filled with his blue shirt molding tightly to his muscular chest. Elizabeth blinked and straightened, not at all displeased with her short close-up.

"Nothing." He told her shortly. "I'd, uh, love to join you for lunch."

"Oh, it can wait." Elizabeth said, still trying to peek into his apartment. "What were you doing? It sure didn't sound like nothing."

"I was… cleaning." He said, casually stretching an arm across the doorframe to block her from the apartment behind him. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. She had caught a glimpse of the inside of the room—shirts strewn everywhere, the bed unmade, power bar wrappers falling off his desk and onto the floor. That was about as far from "clean" as she had ever seen a room be.

"Um… are you sure?" she asked dubiously.

"Yes." He said, his voice coming out a little high pitched. He cleared his throat. "Yes." He repeated, his voice closer to normal now.

"Come on, Rodney." Elizabeth smiled up at him. "Let me see what you were doing."

Rodney scowled at her.

"What is it with women trying to pry into a man's business?"

"Because a man's business is our business." Elizabeth smiled up at him and poked him in the ribs with one slender finger. Rodney gave a cry as she hit a tickle-spot and he jerked away from her. Immediately Elizabeth slipped around him into the room.

"You're not going to find anything." He told her. Elizabeth glanced over her shoulder at him.

"Who said you had anything to hide?" she asked him sweetly.

"I… uh… I don't, it's just… um… you know, I'm really hungry. Maybe we should… uh, you know, go and—"

"What's that for?" she asked, pointing to where Rodney had shoved a chair against a cupboard door.

"The door tends to swing open." Rodney told her, crossing his arms uncomfortably.

"So? It's just a cupboard." Suddenly Elizabeth's eyes brightened. "Unless you _do_ have something to hide."

"No! I don't—I mean, oh, Elizabeth don't! Elizabeth please—"

But it was too late. Elizabeth had grabbed the chair and dragged it away from the cupboard. Immediately the double cupboard doors swung open.

Inside, revealed like a hidden treasure, were at least a hundred pairs of perfectly pressed boxers, all hanging from its own individual hanger. There was a rainbow of hues and shades and patterns, all of them lovingly hung in the closet.

Elizabeth snorted, trying to swallow her laughter, and looked over at Rodney, the man standing pale behind her.

"Rodney?" she asked slowly.

Rodney's mouth opened and closed like a fish, a red tint slowly creeping up his throat and into his cheeks and right up to his hairline. Elizabeth had to force back another huff of laughter, her breath catching in her throat as she swallowed her giggles.

"I… I…" Rodney's mouth continued to work, but no coherent sounds would form.

"Why… do you have so many boxers?" she asked him slowly. Rodney's face somehow managed to turn pale and bright red all at the same time. Finally, dropping his eyes to the floor, mumbled something.

"What was that?" Elizabeth asked, stepping closer so that she could hear.

"I said," he sighed in exasperation and looked up at her, "they were my personal item."

Elizabeth blinked in surprise.

"All of them?"

"They… I like variety." He mumbled.

Elizabeth grinned.

"Which pair are you wearing now?" she asked. Instantly Rodney's face flared a brilliant—and quite impressive—shade of red.

"What?" he asked, backing away from her.

"I said, which ones are you wearing now?"

"Elizabeth, I—"

"Come on, Rodney! Let me see!"

Rodney felt his legs bump up against the foot of his bed and he toppled backwards onto the mattress. His eyes were huge, like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Elizabeth, you don't really want to—"

"Rodney." Elizabeth whined, pouncing on top of him and pinning him to the bed. "I just want a peek." She held up her hand, using her index finger and her thumb to show him some tiny measurement. "Just a tiny little peek?"

"That was a redundant statement." He mumbled.

"Is that a yes?" she giggled. Rodney sighed loudly and unzipped his pants, flashing her a quick look at his boxers. Elizabeth burst into a fit of laughter, rolling off of him and lying on her back on the bed beside him. She clutched at her stomach as she laughed, tears sliding down her face.

The boxers were bright purple, with "I'm a Genius" spelled in miniscule letters scattered all over the fabric.

Rodney zipped his pants back up, though he still lay on his back beside Elizabeth.

"Happy now?"

Elizabeth wiped at her eyes and giggled.

"Sort of." She said. Rodney frowned and looked at her.

"What do you mean, "sort of"?" he demanded. Elizabeth giggled again.

"Well… now I want to see what you look like without boxers."


End file.
